I am a Nigerian born Canadian in my 20’s. I have a passion for house plants, inspired by Covid 19 isolation, sobriety, and a new love for dirt between my fingers. In my past life I have modelled but want to come back to.

What neighborhood are you a part of?

Currently I am a part of the Bloordale/Bloorwest neighborhood. I havn’t really lived here that long to have any places of importance to me, and don’t really have any places of significance that I go to yet

What is your relationship with the rivers in your neighborhood?

Unfortunately I’m not connected to any water near me right now. I’m terrified of deep water, I find it calming when I’m not in my fright mode. I find I sleep a lot better with rain, and enjoy what water does for us, the sustainability and fuel of water. One day I would like to get through my fear of drowning so that I can be in water more often, I feel like that’s a connection missing. I am very much reconnecting with the land and myself a lot. It’s going in steps I think, first dirt and land, and then hopefully I’ll get closer to water.

I feel like I have always wanted to be around nature when I was younger, I would always be climbing trees and playing outside, but as I got older veered away from that, seeing it as gross/dirty. Though, living in the city from moving back here when I was 15 it was really difficult to find places where you can have those relationships that are close to where you live, or not get too distracted by city life. Forgetting that relationship is really important for your mind, body and spirit. With being in early sobriety, having things that I know are beneficial for me that are physical and tangible, aids in my spiritual growth. It’s really great to watch things growing as you’re growing, to know that what you are giving to the things you are growing they are also giving to you - a reciprocity.
Places that are missed:

I find that I’ve never really stayed in one place of the city for long enough to be able to explore, or feel like “a regular”, like even if I were to move it would be a space I would come back to. I;ve never had that. I’ve moved probably at minimum once a year, and haven’t really fallen in love with any particular place. The one place I can think of is Rec Room, the first time I began going to Yes Yes Y’all became a really big part of queer community when I first moved to Toronto. At that point I was still probably living in the shelter system, getting overnights once a month to go to this party right outside of Bathurst station, just the space inside, it was so fun and so queer and every single time you were there you’d be filled with so much joy. Even just being outside of it on days where it wasn’t the party, it was really special. I remember the first time I heard that the party was moving from that location I was like “noooo, why!?” I asked the organizers and the space just didn’t want to keep going in that direction or hold that particular space, it evened up turning into a house music white party. So that was it. That would be a place I miss.

Do you have a favourite Black author or poet? A particular book? When you think about this book, what was a part that stood out to you, impacted you —tell me about it

My favourite author is a poet named Rudy Francisco, love James Baldwin as much as I’ve read. Those right now are my two!

Black indigenous artist - Taino caribbean/connections to mohawk (non blood relations), artwork is land based- woodwork, use nature as a medium - mushrooms, weave and mend collective which is expanding into other areas to build more safe spaces like at Sketch. Do a lot of gardening, bringing in the original plants that are here and bringing back pollinators.

What neighborhood are you a part of?

Oshawa - I don't like it at all, a lot of microaggressions, racism that is subtle and backhanded - northside, close to a conservation area (turned dog park), has a lot of trees with a creek that goes through it that leads to lake ontario. There use to be a wendat settlement 2 minutes north of where I live, they found out when they were building houses on top of it - they found 3 longhouses, they took the artifacts and put them in a museums, but still built houses on it - they found it the year I was born 1993. I'm creating about it - it hurts, that they would prioritize housing than respecting the land - there is no plague anywhere, except for in a museum that no one goes to and isn't promoted.

Do you know of any rivers that pass through your neighborhood/area?

Harmony Valley Creek - very small but runs a long distance, maybe part of the marine. Where I am it is above ground, but goes underground where there is farming. It’s also larger now, I believe they are directing water from another area, the water has never been like this before. Frustrated about the changes.

Another river offshoot of HVC, it looks like they put concrete blocks in it in places. Part of same water that runs up to the wendat settlement

Wildlife reserve - lived here 18 years and never been there, but going to soon.

Use of the dog park bothers me, the water system is underground - they created their own stream, and a lot of the trees have fallen in on itself - when the water rises it erodes the banks and the roots are exposed.

Tell me about your relationship with land work and the Weave and Mend collective

If it were up to me I would be living in the bushes, that’s where I feel most at home, most relaxed. That’s where I am supposed to be - it's more than therapeutic for me. If I notice anything that seems artificial it bothers me. I love to see the different colors, shapes, seeing the animals - the owls - sometimes I just stand and listen, as far away from people as possible. Taking in everything. Sight, smells, sounds. Licen, moss. Everything is so fascinating to me. Looking into a masters program that deals with environmental therapy, getting a lot of knowledge from Mandy - using each other as a resource.

Weave and mend has really helped me get more connected to my indigeneity, my family grew up being seen as black, so acknowledge the indigeneity but only really live in what is visible to other people. I have one living relative who actually has some teachings - others have passed who knew the language. I’m looking into going back, he is from the bush so it was hard to pick up everything I didn't have a notepad - it will be something that is lost if someone doesn't take action. It's heartbreaking because this is how colonization is winning. Last year we got our first chief in Jamaica from the hummingbird clan.

When you think about your own self expression, whether it be creatively, self care, academically, ceremonially and beyond, what comes to mind for you as practices or avenues of expression?

Instagram and taking pictures, doing mini paintings of Taino symbols - mythology and stories that people tend to forget and how they are visually represented - they really have a thousand words, and it goes beyond that - into a feeling, it encompasses all your senses. There is a new medicine wheel, and i've been working on visually expressing everything they wrote out about the wheel

Places that you miss

The weave and mend garden - been really reaallyyy want to go back there now, i want to maintain the space, from over the winter, to reinforce and remediate, putting down mulch, make sure it’s being cared for, take care of it.

Jamaica - it felt like I spent 3 days in the car when I was there instead of being on the land with my family and exploring more and to learn more from my great uncle - I worry about him.

What neighborhood are you a part of? Do you know of any rivers that pass through your neighborhood/area?
I moved here to Malvern in ’09, and I’ve been here since then. When I first moved here, there [were] a lot of Black people, mostly Caribbean folks. We never actually went into the Rouge Valley, and I didn’t even know it existed until I was in high school and I joined the environmental club, and there were like, ``Let's go hiking in the Rouge Valley,” and that’s when I discovered the Rouge River. [Half-way] through high school I moved again, like five minutes from my old house, and now the Rouge River is right in my backyard and so my mom would be like, “No don’t  go there, you’re gonna get smashed up!”
[She] was really afraid of rivers because the first river that I mentioned to you, the one back home, it’s at the bottom of a mountain called Entoto. Often times what would happen is that as the kids are hanging around there, up on the mountain it would rain -  we wouldn’t know at the mountain, because we were at the bottom and it was so far away – you would here the sound of the water rushing down, and it would flood the entire area. So the kids would be laying at the bottom of the river, and the elders, they would know first, and they would be like “Get out! get out!” “The water is coming!” And then we would hear the sound of the water, but sometimes, there would be kids in the river, and sometimes they wouldn’t hear us, and they would get smashed up by that water. So for a long time my mom would always tell me not to go exploring [near Rouge River], because that’s the experience we have back home with the river.
But for me now, it’s kind of like a safe haven, because I spend most of my time in the city, it’s nice to go into the Rouge,  and just like walk along the river, and hear the sound of the water and know that it is not threatening like it is back home. But, even though it [the river] is threatening back home, it also has good things that come with it. Because the water comes from the top of the mountain it brings, a lot of minerals down with it, including gold. The young brave people of the community, would go into the banks and sift for gold, and then sell it, and so it was a really big source of income for the community as well, and nobody would tell anyone outside the community that we collect gold from there. It’s a tight kept secret, and so [ the river] is both a giver and a taker.
Because that’s [Rouge River] where I go when I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed. It’s not like actual physical gold, but I feel that silence is just as gold. I guess, at least also with the Rouge River,  the taking isn’t really the river taking away from us, rather us taking away from the river.
In Toronto we have a lot of Black people from the diaspora right, and it is so disheartening to me whenever I hear that Black people don’t mess with the outdoors, and it’s like that is the furthest thing from the truth. The reason why we don’t mess with the outdoors is a result of colonialism, it’s not in our nature, because if you go anywhere else in the world Black people are so in touch with the outdoors.  And for the same reason, that’s why when I was In high school and I discovered that the Rouge River is right in our backyard, I was so upset, because when I was in elementary school we didn’t even know it existed. [It] was this old White guy, who wasn’t even from Scarborough, who told me about Rouge River.  The Rouge River could be such a human place for Black people too, especially, because there is a lot of crap you have to deal with as a Black person, and having access to open spaces like that is such an important part of healing, at least for me. And it really upsets me to know that in elementary school that I was around all these Black kids who never  got told about it, we never got access to it, even though it was so accessible to us. And even that stigma that Black people, we don’t mess with the outdoors, I reject that.

Places Missed
I miss all of back home, just because both of my parents’ home have been destroyed. So, my dad’s side of the family was taken down for the purpose of urbanization, because that’s a thing that’s really happening in Africa – urbanization at a rate that’s just extraordinary. So for me there are very few places that still feel familiar, and so my dad’s side of the family, his home was destroyed to build a train station.  And then on my mom’s side of the family, the home is also gone because, it was right on the bank of the river and so over the years the land just kept eroding up until the point the house itself was swallowed by the river, and so now that’s also gone. And so now there is this one house left, my childhood home, that still exists and it’s an ugly house, it’s so ugly and broken down, but it’s my favourite place in the world and I miss it dearly. And I miss mountains, that’s one thing. Whenever I am driving around in Toronto, I always wish that skyscrapers could be turned into mountains. I don’t know, just, mountains really bring me peace. Also, my name means sacred mountain, maybe that’s why.
And I miss my childhood playground, like here in Toronto and my elementary school. It’s still there but last time me and my friends went there to hang out, we got kicked out.  Like they called security, because apparently we were not allowed to use it, and this was before Quarantine. But that’s the thing too, my elementary school was very Black growing up, but now it’s not anymore. Me and my friends used to go and visit all the time, we have a lot of really good memories there. As the years have gone by and as the amount of Black students slowly reduces we’ve been noticing that our presence is less and less appreciated there. Which kind of sucks, but it is what it is I guess. For years we would always go back, like even in the middle of the school day we would go and walk into our teacher’s classes and we were always just met with so much excitement and joy. They’d be like, “Oh come talk to the students!” And then now, we don’t even go through the school and they’re like, “No. Get out.”

Do you have a favourite Black author or poet? A particular book? When you think about this book, what was a part that stood out to you, impacted you  - tell me about it
I have a favourite poet. I heard them perform at a random open mic and I fell in love. Their voice is literally the voice of angels. They’re name is Mia Willis, [and] they have a book called, “monster house,” and I read it religiously. I think it’s so great and also it doesn’t hurt that they’re so fine, but also they’re mind – wow.
There’s this one poem called “hecatomb”, but it’s like every stanza starts with, “I woke up this morning” – with each stanza they build up on it . You can tell that they are building up a world, but you don’t really know where they are taking you with it. You think, I am not going to be able to relate to this poem, because they are building a world I don’t know, but then by the time you reach the end of the poem, you realize that even though they built a world for you that  you don’t know, at the same time you can still relate to the experiences that they describe. And then when you reach the end of the poem you realize that the things that they describe and the experiences that that they describe are actually connected to the physical world that they are building. That physical world that they a building are metaphor for the experience that they describe. And then you are like oh, this world that I didn’t understand at first, I actually really do understand, it’s a part of their experience.

Neighborhood
I'm a part of kensington market and I have for a year and a half, maybe two now. College and Spadina area. Taddle creek is the river I’m closest too, and then the Garrison Creek. I’m sure there are more - I was looking at the lost rivers map and one runs right under kensington but it didn’t seem to have a name. But you know, if it did have a name on the map, it would just be some white colonizers name anyway, but I don’t know what their name is - i would want to give it a name in ganengeha - I definitely have a relationship with the river though, I try to speak to them as often as possible, especially when i'm outside doing some body practice, I try to send energy down to that river, and receive what I know is it’s good energy back.

Relationship to Landwork
I’ve always had a relationship to land, and was lucky enough to grow up next to a ravine that has a tributary running through it, I spent a lot of time with the land there and it’s where a lot of the source and inspiration for my artistic practice comes from, being in that relationship, having grown up in the city. It’s definitely changed depending on where I am situated - now I dont have access to forested land, so I’ve taken to walking through alleyways, they are sanctuaries in their own ways, like these forgotten parts of the city that hold a lot of energy and story in them, weeds that grow through cracks and trees in peoples backyards. It’s a little quieter there. That’s one way my relationship to land has changed.
Weave and Mend: we began the project at Sketch where we planted/landscaped this garden space on this small sliver of land. That was a really interesting process because it’s still a very urdan space but then this one space of sanctuary where we’ve planted medicines and people are now always saying to us how that place is special to them and they go there to sit and think and how much that space means to them. How powerful those spaces in the city are. The spaces where we can rest and breathe safely.

Place that you miss
I grew up with a family cottage for the first 4 years of my life, it was my great grandparents cottage on my maternal side. I also miss the ravine that I grew up beside and it is connected to mount pleasant cemetery which is also a nature space and quiet, I miss that space as well. The ravine was a wonderful amalgamation of city and nature because it had a huge bridge (the st clair bridge) that ran over it that was covered in graffiti, and actually where I was first introduced to graffiti - that would constantly be changing - it’s a really magical space.

Favourite black poet/book

Octavia Butler because she’s a prophet - her parable series is very potent right now, thinking a lot about her prophecies and what is happening right now, but then also Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Marie Brown, who is another Octavia fan, and engages with her work in really interesting ways. How Octavia engages with the future, and non human, and animals and entities - and how those things can be sci fi but can also exist in human realms as well. Brown Girl In the Ring - Nalo Hopkinson a potent book about the collapse of the urban centers.

From the buried creeks to the great Don River
Every morning when I go to work, and every evening I stop by the water and pray. I get as close as I can to touch the water. In Kensington there are all these old creeks that run underneath Kensington. I’ll see a lot of people walking along the Don, and they are releasing whatever is on their minds into the water. There is a living wall mural at Brickworks that shows the hidden creeks and rivers that were buried over - they are realizing now with more rain, that the areas where rivers were pushed underground flood. Nature will always take over, and cover back over again. Covering the rivers does not prevent the rain from carving.

Relationship to my neighborhoods
I live in East York, a 15 minute bike ride from work! I’ve been here for 2.5 years now, I used to live in Kensington Market for 20 years. Lots of people garden, and access the trails. It is a very quiet neighborhood and it took some getting used to. Very different from Kensington. In kensington market i knew all my neighbors, lots of “Hey neighbor my name’s Isaac I just moved in”. People here are a bit more standoffish. From the dreamcatchers in car windows I’d say there are at least 5 native families in my area now, a few Ethiopian, Somali, and a Filipino restaurant on the corner, though primarily caucasian.

What has been your experience as a Black person in this space? How has your identity affected the ways in which you navigate at work?
I work in a mental health hospital and work with very acute patients. I have never thought I would hear so many racial slurs, but boy was I wrong. I consider myself to be a very strong and assertive person (Thanks to my mom), but experiencing verbal abuse in the form of racial slurs would get to even the strongest of people.  When situations like these occur I have had colleagues stand up for me and jump in telling patients that racist comments would not be tolerated and then I have colleagues who think I should not “overreact” as patients are sick and don’t know what they are saying. In the beginning I would not reply because I did not want to be seen as that stereotypical “angry black women”, but I have learned that approach was only making me feel defeated. I have had to learn how to pull colleagues aside and have these conversations with them. I had to sit with my colleagues who are not black by the way and explain to them why it is important they do not dismiss my feelings or my experience. I have had to explain why racial slurs HURT me as a black person on a level they would never understand. How comments said by anyone patient or not, is said by someone who does not value me as a human being.  Many of my colleagues were open to having these conversation and a lot of the responses were “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that’s how it made you feel”, and then you get the collective few who respond with “I still don’t get it, I don’t think they really meant it the way you’re taking it”- Again trying to speak for my lived experience
What I have learned is that there will be those who choose to have a conversation and understand you, and then there will be those who choose to not understand you, why? Because they simply don’t care to

Do you feel as though there are adequate resources in place to support Black wellness, physically and mentally? What does that look like for you?
To be honest like many jobs the only time we hear about anything to do with black folks is during black history month, and frankly speaking it is not something I have truly looked in to or even given any thought. I have a small group of black colleagues I can connect with. However I make sure I use the support systems I have. My family, my friends and my community

In your opinion, what can the government do to support the physical and mental wellbeing of Black folks in Canada?
The government can support the well-being of black folks by hiring more black people in jobs that directly impact and work with marginalized communities. There should be free counselling offered by black people that cater to black people.
The government can also help fund initiatives that implement support groups for young children

How do you take care of your own wellbeing? Are there programs in place to support folks in your profession?
There are no formal programs at my hospital I am aware of. However I have been fortunate enough to find a group of young black females like myself. We support and push each other to strive for greatness. We pray for each other provide advice, celebrate one another’s success and even console each other through difficult times.  It is absolutely an amazing support system to have. We are unquestionably each other’s cheerleaders. We have even created our own What’s app group called “BLACK QUEENS”.

Khadra: It has always been a long life dream of mine to be a paramedic. As a child I would see an ambulance drive by and I could just imagine myself as the driver rushing to help someone in need. Not knowing the risk factors, I just viewed them as heroes and knew that was my calling. Unfortunately, as I grew older I decided to take the “safe route” and change visions to work with those in the developmental sector. This career choice was not intentional. I just knew it was my destiny to help those in need and what better sector than those who have physical and mental limitations.

Over the years I completed my education as a Developmental Service Worker (DSW), working closely in Dual Diagnosis. After a few years as a DSW I realized that I had hit the ceiling and knew there wasn’t room for any advancement. Due to the fact that this position fell under the Ministry of Social Services rather than Health, my scope of practice was incredibly limited. It wasn’t hard to shift gears and work towards a career change into Nursing. I’ve recently decided to go back to school in order to accomplish this next milestone in my life.

What has been your experience as a Black person in this space? How has your identity affected the ways in which you navigate at work?

Working in the healthcare as a black woman I find that we are very much misunderstood. When it comes to being assertive and vocal about certain situations, others misinterpret that to be aggression. Being a black woman we have this stigma which unfortunately follows us everywhere. Having this negative perception prevents myself and others in my situation to properly be heard when advocating for patients or even for staff. Others at times have taken what I’ve said out of context because they interpreted it in a different tone. I’ve now learned that when I need to address critical and sensitive issues, to send it through email rather than in person. Having to use this method, I find that I’ll have documentation to fall back on if necessary. It’s unfortunate that it has come to this, however I feel that being a black woman in a white male dominated system, I would have to go to certain lengths in order to maintain my integrity and position.

Tell me about your proudest moment at work.

My proudest moment I would have to say is working with a client who others gave up on and pushing them beyond anyones expectations. There was a specific client I worked very closely with who for decades others believed his capabilities didn’t exceed anything beyond arts and craft. When I took on this client I realized early on that he was filled with aggression and only knew how to express himself through loud screams, profanity and physical outbursts. Over time I worked closely to help this client enhance preexisting skills and find tasks in which he used to enjoy. This particular client had not only developmental disabilities but also mental limitations. After two years learning his likes, dislikes, capabilities and background, I learned a small fact which would help me in shaping his future. The client grew up on a farm and worked with his foster parents to maintain the crops and livestock. I decided to write proposals to local community gardens and later on got approved for 1000 square feet of land. I used this opportunity to start a community garden for this client and others like him. They had the opportunity to grow and harvest their own goods which later were sold at farmers markets. The profits which were raised turned into revenue so that they could purchase whatever it was that they wanted. For the first time in years, my client was working and not only with his peers but amongst others in several communities. This was truly the definition of social capitalism.

Do you feel as though there are adequate resources in place to support Black wellness, physically and mentally? What does that look like for you?

I have yet to see any resources which cater specifically to black wellness whether that is mentally and physically. When we require the support there really isn’t anyone to turn to aside from our fellow colleagues, friends or families.

In your opinion, what can the government do to support the physical and mental wellbeing of Black folks in Canada?

I believe the government can implement mandatory support groups which cater to the black community at every job. Having this would provide myself and others like me to have a safe place where we can go and feel supported and speak freely. As much as we can all sit here and hope that race isn’t a big deal in a work place, it is! As a black woman I feel as though were misunderstood and misheard.

How do you take care of your own wellbeing? Are there programs in place to support folks in your profession?
Truthfully speaking I make sure to spend as much time with family and friends. From going to social gatherings to just having people over, I use my personal time to detach and disconnect from work. At first it wasn’t easy but I learned early on that it was not healthy to take on things which were no longer my issue after I’ve clocked out from work. I’ve also mastered the word no!

What has been your experience as a Black person in this space? How has your identity affected the ways in which you navigate at work?
The hardest part of being a therapist has actually been receiving the appropriate training that I would need in working with my target clientele (Black, Muslim, women of colour). It is not to say that the white therapists that trained me were not competent; but rather the trained me from their POV. And I struggled with trying to find my own way and my own style of therapy because of that. I noticed that I was able to work well with my white clients but not so well with my Black clients. My identity as a Black Muslim woman has made it challenging for me to receive a teaching that adeguate enough for me. And in my own private practice, I questioned if I have the adequate training. To combate that, I sought out a Black woman supervisor. She has been a model for me to follow, and a guide on how to effectively work with Black people.

Tell me about your proudest moment at work.
My proudest moment has been when a client of mind came back after weeks of paused sessions. They looked radiant, dressed in bright colours (their favourite colours) and have shared with me that they’re seeing a change in their lives. I was so moved and inspired and
humbled with joy. Not only did they share that they’ve seen a desired change in their thought process but they also showed it behaviour.

Do you feel as though there are adequate resources in place to support Black wellness, physically and mentally? What does that look like for you?
No there is not.
Adequate resources for Black wellness ought to include considerations for internalized racism, internalized sexism and unlearning the ways the world sees us —first in ourselves. This isn’t anything new, our scholars and social activists have shown us this time and time again. In therapy, people are seeking solutions to their feelings of “stuckness”, pain, anxiety and depression. And most of the time, they are unhappy, questioning their sense of self, and various psychological conditioning that they’ve been dealing with.
The way we learn to see ourselves and what the world says we are (and are capable of) is called conditioning. Racism, sexism, classism are environments that cultivate unhealthy beliefs. And in therapy, it is those beliefs that I work to challenge.

In your opinion, what can the government do to support the physical and mental wellbeing of Black folks in Canada?
The government role is addressing systemic issues that impact the mental and psychological health of minorities. Systemic issues like racism, sexism, classicism and various forms of discrimination have a severe impact on mental health, self-image and self-esteem. It ought to continue to put in place checks and balances that challenge the status-quo. The disportional discrimination that Black people experirience in receiving appropiate healthcare is undenial. And collecting that race-based will help in demonstrating the inadequacy. An example in the mental health sector is the disproportion diagnosis of young Black men with schizophrenia; because their behavioural presentation is aggressive, angry, unmanageable...
(When it comes to indegenious people, the role of the government is to honour Truth and Reconciliation; to acknowledge their continuous harming and suffering of our indegenous peoples.)

How do you take care of your own wellbeing? Are there programs in place to support folks in your profession?
The most important programs in place to support folks in our profession are reinforced by the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario (CRPO); this is a regulatory body that
Registered Psychotherapists all over ON belong to. The CRPO encourages Supervision, Peer Supervision and support and seeking therapy as a therapist.
As for me, I have my own therapist; she is white and British, but she has shown me time and time again that she is working on her blindspots. She’s worked hard to earn my trust.
I also heavily rely on my supervisor. She has modeled for me what a healthy-work ethic looks like and what I need to do professionally to succeed in this sector.
I have peer support that I reach out to when I need help in my own life and I have my friends and family that support me (in their own capacity).

If you’re interested in booking an appointment with Asma, please email asma.alitherapy@gmail.com